The Sasshley Assassination Chronicles: Neogod
by LegendofAddy
Summary: In a world where murder is a game and fantasy is reality, a certain warrior is known for utter brutality and her kill count. Sasshley Hall, a Neomancer, battles in a worldwide tournament for the title of the Neogod, the ruler of all lands. She uses her wit, charm, strength and team of neopets to destroy all in her path, but can she truly win in this savage tournament?
1. Introduction

A cold breeze whipped across her face as she stared off into the never ending darkness. It was a staring contest between her and time itself, and she was resilient to the trickery of sleep and hunger. This resistance would help her withstand the worst of the worst, as she waited patiently in the winter night. Old, rickety, abandoned shacks lined up next to her. This old forbidden land used to be a thriving village, and that was why she was here.

_AHHHHHHHH!_

A blood curdling scream echoed throughout the dead land, and a pair of bright yellow eyes shone bright in the dark. It was the scream of battle, a declaration of war. Suddenly a burst of light appeared, shaking the earth and shattering the decrepit buildings. This light burst into the sky, illuminating all around her, and out of the darkness came Ivanna Iguana and her green Kougra named Pillow. "You knew I was coming. You knew I'd be here. So why aren't you prepared? Why don't you have a pet to defend yourself with? Ha. Pathetic. My Pillow will tear you to pieces," she smiled, turning to her Kougra and petting it, praising it for being so mighty. "I think it's time to end this. It's time to end you."

And all she did was stare at Ivanna, unafraid of the certain death she was soon to face at the paws of Pillow. Pillow got ready to pounce, and then went for it. The giant Kougra ran forwards and then leaped into the air, looking as fierce as ever. Yet she, staring at the Kougra coming towards her, was far more fierce. Then out of the darkness a white blur appeared, knocking Pillow right out of the air. It was beautiful and majestic and was as quick as lightning. A white Kougra stood over the corpse of the green one, which was now bloodied and mangled and torn to pieces.

"NO! PILLOW!" Ivanna Iguana screamed out, running towards her dead pet. The white Kougra padded away from the corpse, and she sashayed her way towards Ivanna.

"Do you know who I am, Ms. Iguana?" She asked, her eyes locked with Ivanna's tear filled ones. Ivanna then looked closely into her eyes, and let out a shriek, and she started sobbing even harder. Quickly she began to crawl away from her. "Ivanna, you can't escape fate."

"You. You can't be real. No. You're just a myth. A story, fake, you can't be." The crying continued, Ivanna's tears soaking the dry earth beneath her. She reached into her brand new SOHO medium light pink leather Gucci tote with chains and pulled out a glock. Pointing the gun towards Ivanna, she decided to be nice, "Any last words or requests?"

"Yes...one...don't kill me." Ivanna pleaded, afraid for her life. Ivanna knew who she was dealing with, so she knew this was a silly request.

"Ha. No. It's time to die." Her finger reached for the trigger and began to push down but then Ivanna kicked her right foot up high, hitting the gun and knocking it right out of her hands. Ivanna then got up from the floor and began running. The white Kougra was by far faster and stopped her in her tracks. She then walked up to Ivanna, and grabbed a fist full of her hair and cheap ass extensions and threw her to the ground. "Bad girl," she whispered, "such a stupid girl." And then she stomped her right, stiletto clad foot into the face of Ivanna Iguana, and the force of the kick sent out a dagger from the heel, cutting through her skin and into her brains.

"My name is Sasshley, bitch," she said.


	2. Sasshley is Kickass

I rode through the desert valley on my kickass motorcycle with my kickass Kougra in the passenger seat. I was just so kickass. And that's why I deserved to be the Neogod.

I feel like I'm going too fast for you, non-kickass person. Let's back it up.

It all started when I was first born. No, literally, it did. A war that began over a century ago between the humans and the neopets had just ended. Faerieland had fallen and Free Willy had been released. Faeries and whales were in chaos everywhere.

The dark Faerie, Lilith, had killed the Neogod, who was the deity of neopets everywhere, by using the Blade of Soragith, a mystical weapon containing unlimited power. But by using the weapon Lilith had unknowingly surrendered her own self to the Blade of Soragith, as her soul was sucked into the weapon.

The humans then called for peace, not wanting to fight the neopets in such times. The neopets accepted, and then began their twenty years of mourning, and after that the battle for power began, the battle to become the Neogod.

The year is 2013, and I had just turned twenty a few days ago, which was when the competition began. The rules are simple: Humans are the only beings allowed to participate for the title of Neogod, and up to four neopets can assist them in the competition, no more. If a contestant was found to travel with more than four neopets they were instantly eliminated and if they had taken a life with more than four neopets they were instantly put to death.

I was currently traveling with my white Kougra, a purple Korbat flying high above and a green Lutari guarding my home. I had to be careful, there were a good seven hundred humans participating. Well, 699 now.

As I continued to ride towards my home, my Korbat began to screech, and I knew what that meant. I looked around until I saw it. Two humans, a man and a woman, riding towards me on their Uni's. My Korbat began to screech and I looked up to see that it was being attacked by a yellow Scorchio and a blue Buzz.

I was being ambushed.

Quickly I pressed a button on the motorcycle's side, making the passenger seat eject from the vehicle. My Kougra then jumped out and began running towards the Uni's.

I pulled out two Model 22A pistols and then jumped up onto my moving motorcycle. I was face to face with the Uni's and my Kougra was moving too slow for me, I fired twice into the air, shooting down the Buzz and Scorchio that were fighting with my Korbat.

Still standing on my motorcycle like a badass, I did a backflip off of it, and in mid air I began shooting at the gas tank.

Luckily my Kougra knew what was going on and ran out of range, just in time for a massive explosion to occur.

I then walked away from the explosion in slow motion, blowing the smoke away from my gun because I was not only kickass, but I was a badass. Two more down, and many more to go. This was going to be a difficult year.

My Korbat and Kougra were both uninjured, as they rushed towards me.

"It looks like we're walking from now on, let's go." I told them, punching my Korbat in the face for being able to fly.

After hours of walking and several attempts to ride my Korbat, I finally made it home.

"SHANIQUA, where are you?" I yelled, looking for my Lutari. I walked into the living room only to find Shaniqua sitting on my recliner eating MY half-baked Ben & Jerry's while flipping between Desperate Housewives and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. She was also wearing a shit ton of my makeup. "You bitch, I can't believe you. UGH. Get a job you stupid betch. And that blush makes you look fat."

Shaniqua just looked at me and then threw up water all over me. That's what its ability was, throwing up water, which burns like acid to neopets but only greatly annoys humans.

Shaniqua was such a bitch.

As I was about to throw down with Shaniqua I heard a noises coming from the bathroom. I opened the bathroom door only to see a water faerie relaxing in my bath.

"SHANIQUA YOU STUPID BITCH WHAT DID YOU DO?" I yelled, as I knocked out my Korbat. Mike Tyson would be proud.

"Hi, Sasshley, we need to talk." The water faerie said.


	3. Off To Faerieland

"So, what you're trying to tell me is that an army of dark faeries plan to take over faerieland and awaken Lilith by extracting her soul from the Blade of Soragith?" I asked, trying to make sure I heard the water faerie, Evelyn, correctly. She must be crazy. Dark faeries would never be able to take over faerieland, they only make up a small portion of the population.

"That's exactly what I'm trying to tell you. They're powerful and ruthless and we don't know what to do. So, that's why I'm here. I need you to go to faerieland and take out their leader, Brittany. Once their leader is gone the dark faeries will lose order and go back to what they did before they got all cray."

Korbat was starting to wake from unconsciousness, and I was so overwhelmed by this new information and responsibility that I just punched him again. And again. And again. By the end of the whole ordeal I was one neopet down and two to go, that Shaniqua bitch was next.

"Alright, I'll go, but after I lay my Korbat to rest. He died so young…if only I could go back in time and save him…" I shed a single tear for the life lost, I never expected my Korbat to die so young. "That stupid bastard, he left behind a whole family of Korbats."

"Uh, Sasshley, why are you blaming your Korbat, weren't you the one that killed him?" The water faerie asked. She asked one too many questions. I got up, plugged in the hairdryer and tossed it into my bathtub. She screamed loudly and splashed around in the water until she couldn't splash no more. She was dead.

The scent of burnt fairy flesh wafted throughout my entire house. I turned around and found Shaniqua staring at me.

"Bitch, didn't I tell you to fix your makeup?"

Shaniqua then threw up water all over me in response. That bitch.

I walked over to my dead Korbat and picked him up. He was all bloody and bruised. I knew that I should treat the dead carefully, and give them respect. This knowledge didn't stop me from tossing my Korbat and the extra crispy water faerie out the window. New lawn ornaments, just another bonus to being a badass.

I then gathered some essential traveling items and threw them into the already messy backseat of my Impala. I attached a wagon to the back and tossed Shaniqua into it. That bitch isn't allowed to have the privilege of sitting in my car.

Opening the passenger door for my Kougra, I then closed it behind him and walked over to the driver's side and slid in, shutting the door behind me. While all of this was happening Shaniqua was throwing up all over the Impala. Shaniqua is the queen of bitches.

The Impala's engine started as I turned the keys and I began to drive. I began my journey to Faerieland.


End file.
